You are a freaking lawyer.
You're not an ER doctor,

you're not a pilot on call to do a
bombing run in Germany in World War ii.

There's nothing that's going to happen
while you are at a two hour dinner with

me that you're going to need your
phone for. So just put it away.

You're not going to need your
phone during that two hours.

Whatever happens is going to be there
when we're done. That's it. It's over.

There's nothing you're going to
need. Our parents, our grandparents,

they went places where people couldn't
get in touch with them for weeks at a

time. People wrote them letters and
told them what happened back home.

Life went on. You don't need the
phone. That's it. You don't need it.

Stop being a smartphone zombie.

It is preventing you from
building good relationships.

If you'd like to find out what a
smartphone zombie is and how to fix it,

join us for today's Inside vs Show. Hey,

now it's Nikki G and this
is the Inside BSS Show.

Joining me here today is Dave Lorenzo,
the godfather of growth. How are you,

Dave?

I'm great, man. My Nikki
G's all grown up. Look at.

You . That was such.

A great opening. That was wonderful.
What is a smartphone zombie?

I would love to tell you,
A smartphone zombie is,

and you've all seen it,

someone who is walking around
and has their phone in their face

and they are staring at the phone,
they don't even know you exist.

You've seen it where someone is crossing.

I've seen somebody crossing
an intersection with
their phone in their face.

I'm worried that person is
going to get by the car.

I'm now looking out for
them. Or my favorite.

You're in an office building and
you're walking straight down a

hallway. Somebody else, a smartphone
zombie is now fast approaching.

You hasn't even realized
you're in their path.

And so now you have to move out of the
way so that that person does not walk

into you. I see this everywhere.

This is an easy way to
kill your ability to grow

relationships. Whether you are
doing this when you're out walking,

maybe you aren't in the
mood to talk to anyone,

you are still unapproachable. If the
phone is in your hand, it's in your face,

you are completely unapproachable
because you have no attention focused on

anything around you other than
that cell phone. And I get it,

we're in a world where
everything's digital and,

and we want to check our phones, and
it's very hard to fight that habit.

But if you want to build
lasting relationships,

you've got to know at least when to put
the phone down and to pay attention to

those around you.

So a good example is you're
at a networking event and
you'd like to engage with

someone. You start up a
conversation, it's going great.

Midway through the conversation,

that person pulls out their smartphone
and they're checking their emails, right?

Or you see 'em scrolling.
That's a relationship killer.

Do not do that. But you
go to dinner with someone,

you are at the dinner table, and I
love that. Just put the phone away.

Unless you are expecting
an important phone call,

there are appropriate circumstances.

And the way to handle that is
to let the other person know.

I don't mean to be rude.

I may be getting a really important call
that I'll have to take at some point.

I just wanted to let you know in advance.

That way you're not checking
your phone every few minutes.

That way the other person already knows.

So it doesn't come across as that
being a rude gesture to them.

What do you think, Dave?

Oh, man. Well, listen, I think you're
spot on and you, you know what?

I think because you've
been with me, in fact,

we went out a couple of weeks ago and
I left my phone in the car. I mean,

I'm an idiot because the phone was still
running the g p s and my battery was

dead.

But I consciously leave my phone in
the car when I go to networking events,

you know, you and I went
to dinner, I left my phone.

I ca I think one time I left
it in the car the other time,

I just kept it in my pocket the whole
time because I want to give you my

undivided attention because
you're important to me.

And that's really the way
to think about it, right?

The way to think about it is, if you want
to make a great impression on someone,

you want to make sure that they're,

they understand that they're the most
important person in the world to you at

that moment.
Leave your phone somewhere else.

Leave it in the car for two
hours while you're at dinner.

It's not the end of the world. You know,

that's the way to make somebody
understand that they have your

undivided attention.

So I have teenagers and my teenagers
have their friends come over the house,

and it's basically the in
the invitation should be,

let's all get together so we can
look at our phones in the same room,

because that's what they do.

They all get together and they sit in
front of the TV looking at their phones

instead of talking to each
other. Um, it's, we, we've set,

this is a function of setting
bad expectations in business.

We've given our clients, we've
given our referral sources,

we've even given our friends
the expectation that we're
going to be available at

a moment's notice for their
instant gratification.

You need to reset your expectations with
the people with whom you communicate.

And you need to tell them,

I'm going to be available to
you when I'm available to you.

If I happen to have my phone and
I'm not focused on another person,

and the, and you call me, I'll answer
the phone. I'll take your call.

But if I'm with someone else,

that person deserves the
courtesy of my undivided

attention. So my solution,

when I go out to dinner with
anyone that I care about,

the phone stays in the car. You know,

that's the thing that I do to
make sure I give the person I'm

with my undivided attention.

It doesn't take a lot of discipline
to leave the phone in your pocket.

It's fact, it,

it's actually easier if you
want to turn the phone off

and leave it in your
pocket, that saves battery.

And then you know that you can't just
pull your phone out and glance at it.

You know it's going to be a three, four,

five minute process for
the phone to boot up.

You're going to be less likely
to take it outta your pocket.

So if you must leave it in your pocket,

turn it off before you sit down to dinner,

that person deserves your
undivided attention. That's,

that's just the way it is. I mean, be
a, be a human, be nice, be, you know,

be personal. Hey, Nikki.

G did you know you can also get
our show as an audio podcast?

Of course, I know you can get the
show as an audio podcast. I'm on it.

But does our audience.

I don't know. So those of you
who are watching on YouTube,

you can find us wherever
you get your podcast with.

Just search up the Inside bss show
with the Godfather and Nikki G and

you'll find us right there.

Click the follow button so that
you never miss a show. Now,

there's a couple of reasons why
you're going to want to do that.

Nikki g tell 'em what the first reason is.

You get to ask us questions
that is exclusive to our podcast

listeners.

Yeah. We only answer listener questions
on the audio version of the podcast.

We don't do it on video.

So if you want to hear what everyone's
thinking or if you want to ask us a

question, you must download the
audio podcast. The second reason,

and my favorite reason is
because you can take us with you,

you can have a little Nikki g in your
pocket while you're working out in the

gym, washing the dishes
or walking the dog.

I love me some Nikki g in my
pocket when I'm walking the dogs.

I don't know about you, Nicola, but
that's one of my favorite things to do.

.

Absolutely. Take us with you.

After you watch this
episode here on YouTube,

go to wherever you get your podcasts.

Click the follow button so we can go with
you on your journey and you can ask us

questions. We will see you
or more like hear you there.

You want to make the person on the other
end of your conversation feel like they

are the most important person in the room.

That's how you're going to build a
good relationship. And most of us will,

can do this in one of
two ways with the phones.

Either you have the willpower to
keep it away, put it in your pocket,

or put it in your purse in,
in my case, if you don't,

then force yourself to do it.

Put it in the car because you
know you can't put the phone down,

put it in the car, and at some point
you need to go out and check your phone.

You can do that. But if you need to
force yourself to build that habit,

it is a great habit to build.

I'm telling you right now,

if you and I are out to dinner and you
have to go out to the car to check your

phone when you come back, I'm not going
to be there all. So just be on notice,

okay? , that's not going to work
with me. If you're going out to the car,

I'm not going to If you're going
out to the car to check your phone when

you're in di, when you're
at dinner with me, you're,

I'm not going to be there when you
get back. I promise you. This is.

More about if you're at a big event,
at some point you may need to. We,

we understand we're, we're professionals,
we're all professionals here.

You may at some point need
to check your messages,

especially if you're on an event
that could run several hours,

go to the bathroom. If you,
if you, if you have to,

you absolutely have to still don't
do it unless you know you need to.

There may be, again, there may be
something important coming through,

whether it's by email or by phone, but
that's it. Those are the only exceptions.

Otherwise, just don't do it. No, no.

Let that person feel like they're the
most important person in the room.

There's no, there's no exception.
If you're at a wedding,

there are exceptions that you
have. No, no. There's no exception.

You have important.
There's no exception. No.

You're not going to take a phone call if
your kids are at an event and you know

they may need to reach it.

No, listen, if I'm yes, you're
no, if I'm, if I'm with you,

if I'm with a client, if I'm
with my wife and it's just us,

there is no exception. Look,
I come from an age, my first,

the first 15 years of
my professional career,

I was a general manager in a
hotel. Shit catches on fire, okay?

I didn't have a phone. They figured
out how to track me down. Sure,

but I don't have to be
connected all the time.

You know, if I'm with you,

you want to feel like you're the most
important person in the world to me in

that moment.

I'm not sneaking off to the bathroom
to go in the stall to check the Yankee

score. That's not what my
priority is in that moment. And I,

I just at a, in a two
hour snapshot in time,

the probability of lightning striking
your house and your house catching on fire

and your kids needing to call you is
minuscule. There is nothing that will

happen in that two hour window
that will need your attention.

You are a freaking lawyer.
You're not an ER doctor,

you're not a pilot on call to do a
bombing run in Germany in World War ii.

There's nothing that's going to happen
while you are at a two hour dinner with

me that you're going to need your
phone for. So just put it away.

You're not going to need your
phone during that two hours.

Whatever happens is going to be there
when we're done. That's it. It's over.

There's nothing you're going to
need. Our parents, our grandparents,

they went places where people couldn't
get in touch with them for weeks at a

time. People wrote them letters and
told them what happened back home.

Life went on. You don't need the
phone. That's it. You don't need it.

Isn't it great when he
gets fired up, ?

I mean, it's just, it's such crap.
So you're, you're out, right?

It's eight o'clock at night and your
asshole client or your asshole opposing

counsel is going to send you an email
that's going to ruin your evening and you

want to take it. What's wrong.

With you? You personally, no, I
don't want to take it , right?

That's my point. You don't
want to, don't want to.

Take it. Don't, you
don't want to ruin your.

Evening. I still think there,
look, there are, ignore it. Very,

very few exceptions, such as a medical
emergency with a family member,

you're waiting to get a phone call.
Although one, the question is,

why are you still at dinner? But
yes, of course. Listen, of course,

there are very, very limited exceptions.
Absent those, just don't do it.

And again, force yourself
to build a habit. You're,

if you're unable to do it yourself,

then you make yourself do it by putting
the phone somewhere where you can't even

think about it.

Yes, yes. Your your spouse is
pregnant, your, you know, your,

uh, mother is undergoing
surgery. Look, okay, no problem.

Maybe you shouldn't be going out then
maybe you should be by their side, okay?

But if you have to go out and you're
expecting this issue, let everybody know.

And you have your phone and you're
staring at it. I got news for you.

You're not going to be
great company anyway,

so you probably should just stay home.

But if you really feel obligated to go
and you want to stare at your phone in

that one circumstance every 25 years,

I'll give you a pass that one
circumstance every 25 years.

But there's nothing else that you know
if, if it's that important to you.

If something you're waiting for on
the phone is that important to you,

you shouldn't be there in the first place.

You should be home staring
at your freaking phone or
sitting next to the person

who could be calling you. I mean, really.
I mean, is it really that necessary?

Is it really that necessary?
No, it's not that necessary.

I think what's more likely to happen
is to go back to your original point.

And that's the cell phone zombie.
Like, and it happens to me,

happened to me the other day.

I'm walking the dog and I'm
probably texting with you
while I'm walking the dog.

And the dog like eats something it
shouldn't eat. And the next thing I know,

he is throwing up for three days, right?

My fault for texting with you and
not paying attention to the dog.

And meanwhile, the dog is like, I'll
show him. And that's what happens, right?

Or, you know, I'm good,

it's raining out and I'm supposed to be
in the parking lot waiting to pick up my

kid.

And I'm sitting at the wrong door and
I'm reading through my emails and my kid

is standing in the rain at the other door
and you know I'm an idiot because I'm

not looking up to see that people
aren't coming out the right door, right?

That's the cell phone. Zombie stuff,
the dinner stuff that's preventable.

Leave your fricking phone in the car,
turn it off, put it in your pocket,

put it in your purse.

The other stuff where you're walking down
the street and you bump into somebody.

That's the real cell phone. Zombie
stuff. . Now you see what you did?

You got me all worked up here.
Everything was going great.

We we're all guilty of this. All
right? We are all guilty of this.

We cannot stop the smartphones.

We all are connected and that is
something that has helped us evolve.

But we have to make an effort to
step away from the phones and focus

on relationships. You'll hear
us talk about this a lot,

focusing on relationships,
making others feel.

Important.

Give us your best technique for ignoring
your cell phone down in the comments.

Leave it down there so that we
can practice what you practice.

My best technique, leave it in the car,
turn it off, put it in your pocket.

Nikki G's best technique.
Put it in your purse.

Leave us down in the comments what your
best technique is for ignoring your cell

phone. We'll read 'em out here on a future
show. If you don't leave us anything,

we'll know that you're not doing
what we said you should do,

and we'll be very sad.

If you've even enjoyed today's
show, check out another episode,

but be sure to do it in an area where
you are not going to be a smartphone

zombie. That's it for today.
I'm Nikki G and he is.

Uh, I'm the godfather checking out my
phone. We'll see you tomorrow, .

We'll see you tomorrow.